I USED TO IT...

dah lame x update blog ni..nampak mcm dh bersawang-sawang..bukan xnk update juz busy ngn keje2 yg tergendala..well, lagi beberapa bulan je, aku akan bercuti panjang. bende yang aku slalu takot ble aku dh start duduk luar. aku takut balek rumah. itulah fobia aku yang aku hadapi sejak aku form 4. sejak aku mula belajar hidup di luar rumah. i always thought going home was a bad idea. its true..bukan xnk balek langsung..tp kalo balek pon, pastu dengan x sengaja tertimbulkan suasana yg tidak harmoni, baik x payah balek kan?? bukan semua org boleh puaskan aty org len..kdg2 sebb bende kecik je dh bermasam muke n tidak bertegur. at least, kalo aku dok kolej, xdela aku akan menimbulkan suasana yg tidak harmoni kan?? aku selalu rase i've been abandoned by my family. mereka kate, aku yg sombong. erm, aku x rase aku sombong juz because aku asyik duduk sorang2 n ngadap laptop ni or reading some books that i've bought before went home. kan aku dh ckp, kehidupan sosial aku dh berkurang sejak aku keluar dari sekolah setahun yg lalu. mungkin sebab tu aku mula mengasingkan diri dari semua org termasuk family aku sendiri. sbb, aku x rasa kehadiran aku diperlukan. oleh itu, lebih baik berdiam diri. salah ke?? kdg2 aku pernah berdoa agar aku x pernah diwujudkan di dunia ni jika aku hanya akan menimbulkan masalah pd family aku terutama mak. aku faham keadaan mak yg dh tua. maybe die xley nk adapt perubahan anak2 die. aku faham hormon2 die pon dh x seperti dulu sbb dia dh tua. salah aku gak kdg2 xley nak kawal emosi, anger dlm diri. aku tahu mak x suke tp aku wat jugak. aku tahu mak dh x boley dibuat gurau2 mcm dulu tp aku buat gak. in this case, aku assume, aku lah yg salah timing..aku tgok semua kwn2 aku gembira kalo diorg nak balek rumah. excited!! tp aku, aku juz boley tersenyum je dan berharap aku pon boley rase mcm mane diorg rase. ni reality..bukan mimpi..hakikatnya, aku x mampu nak rase mcm tu. sbb aku tahu, peluang tu xde. dulu, kalo duduk jaoh, aku slalu rindu masakan mak. tp skang, rase masakan mak tu dh hilang dri tekak aku. bile imbas balek, baru aku perasan, sepanjang aku duduk luar, aku x pernah cari masakan mak. aku mkn ape yg aku nmpk je. x seperti angah aku yg selalu rindu masakan mak. entahlah..aku pon x tau sejak bile hilangnya deria rase aku. pasal ayh pula, aku rase kalo nk kenang balek, aku lebih suke waktu aku kecik2 sbb aku selalu dengan ayh. bile dh besar, aku tahu, ayh x pernah lagi tanya pasal aku. ape yg die tahu, masukkan duit belanja aku dlm bank. thats all. die xkn buat lebih dari tu.

kakak2 aku pula...erm biaselah..kalo dh adik beradik, mane yg x pernah bertikam lidahkan??? ala, kalo pasal adk beradik ni aku x ambek aty sgt. kitorg dh selalu sgt bergaduh. maybe sejak dilahirkan?? haahahaha...agaknyela..aku sebenarnya dh buat perncangan hidup. sebolehnya, aku cuba elakkan daripada melekat di rumah. bile dh cuti sem nanti, aku nk keje sbb aku dgr cuti sem kali ni panjang sket. bile abes diploma, tgoklah same ade aku akan stay sane dgn kwn2 aku n keje kt sane or balek umah tp cari keje. yg penting aku xkn melekat dkt rumah untuk mengelakkan kebencian yg melanda pd aty sesetengah org dlm rumah ni. aku pernah acting normally mcm xde pape berlaku. aku pernah x tepon mak lame gile..bukan sengaja tp aku xde kredit..pastu, aku terdengar iklan Fadhilah Kamsah motivator yg terkenal tu..die kate, kalo mak n ayah rindu kt anak2 n anak2 jarang bertanya khabar, takot2 anak tu dh jatuh anak derhaka..my question is, aku x pernah rase mak n ayh aku rindu kt aku. diorg dengan hal masing2. kalo betol lah, kenapa nak marah2 setiap kaliaku balek rumah?? nampak x sebenarnya kehadiran aku x perlu dlm rumah ni. haiya..i juz wondering..dh jadik anak derhaka ke aku ni?? malas nak pk..bnyk lagi bende n keje aku nak wat dri nk pk bende2 yg xde jwpn ni..besides, i used to be in this condition...i used to it...

THUNDER (HEHEHEHE...)

Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go
Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa)
Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding on to something and I do not know why
I tried

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation
For what I'm feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Today is a winding road
Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know
Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa)
Today I'm on my own
I can't move a muscle and I can't pick up the phone
I don't know (I don't know, I don't know, I don't know)

And now I'm itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside
Just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe theres a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain

Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope
I'm wrapped up in vines
I think we'll make it out
But you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain

Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go
Whoa

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder, and I said
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh baby bring on the pain
And listen to the thunder

#MY FAVOURITE SONG RECENTLY...HEHEHEHE..MEANINGFUL...

IF YOU'RE NOT THE ONE

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I'll never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms

#feeling the touch if someone could remind u like this.....